"I am black, but comely, O ye daughters of Jerusalem, as the tents of Kedar, as the curtains of Solomon. Look not upon me, because I am black, because the sun hath looked upon me..."

Though I am beautiful yet, it is not obvious nor apparent to many if not all! Because of the struggles and huddles under the sun, the difficulties and challenges of life.

As a matter of fact, we choose whatever we want out of life and I choose the path of purpose and fulfilment and this of course is demanding and tedious unlike the path of ease which is aimless and vain!

The path of purpose entails a process of becoming that crushes, makes, remakes, trims, shape etc one into the intended person!

There is almost a distortion for there to be a transformation and as such my beauty is hidden and no one ever thinks I am beautiful!

Like it was said of Jesus in the bible so is my case, I have no form nor comeliness; and when they see me, there is no beauty that they should desire me!

Yet, unlike every other person he desired me with so much passion that I keep wondering what is attracting him to me, why is he so interested in me?

I am despised and rejected of many; a struggling lady, acquainted with suffering and hardship: and they hide as it were their faces from me; I am despised, and they esteemed me not yet, he says he loves me.

He is obviously different, he sees that which is not obvious to others! He says "you are beautiful, it's just a matter of time when the burden is lifted off your shoulder and the yoke is broken from off your neck then, your beauty will be obvious and glaring for all to see!" Wow!

Like everyone else, I can see that I am black but he says " you glow, just wait for your season of harvest and rest then, you will attest to it that you glow!

Remember, 'It is good for a man that he bear the yoke in his youth' and that is exactly what you are doing!"

It is overwhelming and unbelievable that someone else can actually see my beauty though I am black!

So many young people, ladies and guys inclusive have lost focus of the goal because of the suffering and uncomeliness that comes with achieving the goal and fulfilling purpose but they forget that the unattractiveness and suffering is only for a season.

Gold goes through the furnace and comes out finer but most persons jump out of the furnace before they are refined and get a quick fix coating or easy success that will not stand the test of time! For the fact that it is glittering does not make it gold. 

So, you are wrong if all you are after is beauty and glitters! Gold does not just glitter, it is durable, valuable, reliable, substantial, precious and of course not cheap!

If he or she fails to see beyond your struggles and sufferings, if he or she is not attracted because you seem not to be beautiful then, you honestly deserve someone better!

Why should you forsake defining who you are in the process of becoming just to be accepted by someone who does not know your worth?

You don't just need a guy or lady who will admire you but one who will cherish you and be responsible enough to handle, manage and treat you right, sharing your purpose and fulfilment!

It takes only a guy or lady who can identify with you in the furnace to do that!

 Therefore, don't get yourself worked up over the person or persons who despise or reject you for lack of beauty or comfort, you should patiently wait for the person who will value you like you deserve! Do have a lovely weekend!
GoodMorningFromIseme

For lack of it many are devastated and desolate. In attempt to describe it, so many are confused and have concluded that it does not exist! 

In search for it, others have wandered off and are lost! In trying to protect and preserve it, many are wounded and miserable even when it was not it in the first place. So many persons are willing to offer so much or give a ransom for it but then, it is priceless! 

Some have asked if possessing it is based on merit or favour and I say both are required! Meanwhile, some got it and took it for granted and as such they lost it! Some have believed and are seriously holding unto something else in place of it no matter what it cost them. 

Only few have found it and of course it has brought with it balance, peace and joy to such lives! What could it be? It is 'love'! 

Looking at the different categories of persons and the many casualties who do not even know what they seek, I wonder! What exactly is the problem? 

And I have discovered that two main factors are responsible why many have not found love and won't even recognize it when they find it!

1. Misconceptions: so many persons have a wrong idea of the word 'love'! People grow up taking in so much garbage on the subject matter and the information they receive moulds or rather builds a wrong concept in them and with time as they grow, they tend to act base on the information they have gathered so far! 

It's unfortunate almost everyone has something to say about love, that is how significant it is in the life of every individual! Every person needs to be loved and desire to love as well. 

Some persons are not satisfied no matter how they try to satisfy themselves because love is missing in their lives and because the need for it is common to everyone, it is a topic with too many instructors who themselves lack true understanding and meaning of love.

2. Wrong sources: love is mystical, sacred and it has depth beyond the physical! It has its root in God, little wonder the bible says God is love! So when you are searching for love invariably, you are searching for God! Yes!

"...for love is of God; and every one that loveth is born of God, and knoweth God." The reason why you have learnt or gotten something else in place of love is because you have refused to seek God nor accept His love!

As a matter of fact and urgency, you have to unlearn virtually everything you have learnt about love because what you think you know is actually the problem you have! 

Unlike the concept of love, the reality of love is not something trending nor ubiquitous, only few persons know what love is and have experienced love and others say it does not exist because they fail to find!

How would you know if you are holding unto something else in place of love?

1. Love is not selfish: it considers the other person. It has nothing to do with exploitation rather, it sacrifices for the sake of another.

If all he or she is after is his/her own benefit and comfort then such a person has no love.

2. Love brings glory to God: anything contrary to the will and standard of God is not love! A life that has love will glorify God in any relationship, if your relationship is not interested in pleasing God then, what you call love is actually lust.

3. Love is peaceful: true love gives hope and assurance and ensures a life pleasing to God and as such it brings peace. "There is no fear in love; but perfect love casteth out fear: because fear hath torment..."

4. Love is patient and it endures: because it is not selfish, it makes allowance for the fault and mistakes of others. It is accommodating!

5. Love is joyful: if love has made you miserable then, it is obviously not love. 

The only way to ascertain true love is to first accept God's love!

It is my prayer for you this morning that you do not enslave yourself in the name of love and I pray for God's deliverance for as many who are in bondage already!
Do have a lovely weekend!

"...Funny enough, it seems I am lucky when it comes to having nice guys because Williams is honestly an amazing guy and Nelson on the other hand is an angel but I just can't stay in a relationship for more than six months! 

At the beginning I always find these guys interesting and fun but soon everything becomes boring and sometimes irritating even! I wonder how people stay in a relationship for years not to even talk of marriage, it scares me! 

I might just wake up one morning and tell him I need a divorce. I mean, how can one sustain that fire that is so irresistible at the beginning?..." 

Many people especially ladies keep walking out of relationships in spite of how good or awesome their partners are for the sole reason that they are bored! 

And you wonder why some persons are just too difficult to please or why they cannot just be satisfied! 

What keeps two together beyond the confession "I love you" and what have you, is fruitfulness! If all there is to your relationship is fun, fun and fun then, in no time you will be worn out! 

As individuals, we naturally need and demand more even without knowing! A fruitful and worthy relationship makes us better persons, gives us the courage and strength to face our fears and serves as a cushion in shock and terror! 

Life is much more real and tasking than those times of awesome staring, whispering of sweet nothing, holding of hands and all of that! 

Life is demanding, challenging and fierce and not until your relationship plays a role in maintaining stability and focus then, it is unfruitful and will definitely not pass the test of time! 

The reality of life is the true test of a worthy relationship! In what way are you of help to him? Do you honestly share his vision and goals? What about his challenges and fears? Or are you just there to give him a massage and go hanging out? He needs much more than that.

He needs someone to complete him, he needs someone to help, support and encourage him! If you sincerely give attention to the things that matter and are purposeful, you will be too engrossed and useful to get bored! 

If your interest is to complement him then, you will seek out ways to help even if it's just to be an encouragement to him and as such, your zeal and passion will remain intact! 

Many persons become bored as a result of self-interest and greed, they are just too concerned about themselves and what they can get out of the relationship therefore, they always experience a diminishing satisfaction with time! 

The euphoria they experienced initially disappears in the face of reality! A relationship that lacks reality is one without direction and purpose and will definitely not last! 

Purpose drives your passion and zeal, don't just be in a relationship be purposeful about it and do not be selfish! Good morning and happy weekend!

One of the so many questions singles ask is 'how do I know the man or woman that is right for me?' Some believe there is one particular person for them and others believe they have to choose from the lot but in all if one identifies or choose the wrong person for a spouse such person is doomed for life. 

In as much as the success of a person to a great extent depends on who he or she marries and also for the fact that marriage is for better for worst, till death do you part! So one ought to be very careful meanwhile, the phobia of getting into wrong hands is the reason why some are still single. 

How do I know the woman or man that is right for me? Some are waiting on God for divine revelation to identify this person others are believing God to choose right! Which ever the case may be, it is good that they are waiting on God.

 But if God is to do all the finding then, why did the scripture say "he that findeth a wife findeth a good thing..." 

Mind you the 'finding' is not an issue for the man alone because to find means to discover and not until the man discovers he will not propose likewise not until the woman discovers she will not accept, anyway this is by the way. 

Meanwhile, the scripture also says that "a prudent wife is from the Lord..." So, does it mean one is to wait for God or meet God for a good partner? Many persons have gone into erroneous marriages and even end up in divorce after proclaiming how they were instructed by God to marry their partners.

They tell you how they saw the lady or brother in a dream, the word of prophecy that confirmed it and all of that! I'm not saying that hearing God's voice concerning who to marry is the absolute guarantee for a successful marriage since one can fail even after hearing God if he or she works against the ordinances of the holy institution, marriage. 

My target this morning is simply to strike a balance between our role and God's role in choosing a partner. Looking at the case of Isaac in the bible, we can see that the servant of Abraham, Isaac's father went in search for a wife for the master's son, Isaac. 

When he  began his search he was not sure of who the lady should be but he was given a requirement which was more of a condition that the lady must be one from his master's kindred but there were so many young ladies in Abraham's kindred so how was his servant going to know who was right for Isaac!

He prayed to God, asking him to honour his master by blessing his journey with the right lady for Isaac, he went further to tell God that it should be that the lady who gives him water and also water his camels is the right woman for Isaac. 

He was simply saying let it be that the right woman for Isaac should also meet this second requirement! Now this requirement was more like a sign than a condition but in the case of Adam, he identified Eve as one that should be part of him 

"...this is now bone of my bone and flesh of my flesh she shall be called woman..."  The word 'of' expresses origin, Adam did not stop at naming her woman but went ahead to take her as his wife 

"Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh." Now, the cleavage or clinging is not just of the body but first of spirit then the soul (which entails purpose) and in fact everything.

Do you realize that Adam did not identify Eve as wife because God said so? Of course God never said so, he (God) only presented her to him like he initially presented the animals for him (Adam) to name but Adam identified that Eve was his kind, one that has his missing rib so to say or rather one that will complete him. 

So, if Adam was to search for a wife he would have been searching for a woman that will complete him. Do you also realize that it is possible for Adam not to have identified Eve? If God brings your supposed wife or husband to you, how will you recognize him or her? 

So, it is obvious that you must actually be looking out for something if not even if God brings her or him your way you will not know! I'm sure you are about asking me, what about in a situation where I have 3suitors and they are all Holy ghost filled, tongue talking brothers what do I do? 

Or I'm confused between sister A and sister B, they are both examples of an ideal woman! This is why beyond a God fearing brother or sister which of course is the number one criteria for every believer, you should know who you are and the kind of man or woman that should complete you! 

This brings us back to the issue of purpose, not every Christian lady or guy will be helpful in accomplishing and fulfilling your God given purpose. Sister A might be a very good sister in the church but she is just not right for you! 

Imagine, she is thinking and planning of affecting the world in the sphere of business and politics and you are thinking of raising men and women for God and how to depopulate the kingdom of darkness, there is obviously no agreement in purpose. 

As much as you pray for God's direction you should be looking out for a partner that is headed in the same direction as you and who shares your value system. 

The bible says the Spirit of God bears witness with our spirit that we are sons of God so, you might not really hear an audible voice as you hope to hear concerning the person you should marry, an inner witness may just be all you have. 

This inner witness is peace and certainty deep down. While most of the time though not all the time you get confirmations or approval of biological and spiritual parents or counsellors. 

And I would like to counter the popular myth that God's choice of partners for us are always people we do not like, in as much as there are cases like that it is not always the case. 

I have heard some persons say they never loved their wives or husbands initially but they married the person because he or she was God's choice but when you listen to their story very well you realize that though they are believers but then, they were looking out for the wrong factors!

Such as beauty, anointing charisma, money, achievement, degrees etc. Though these things are not wrong in themselves but they are not solid or right foundations to build a marital relationship therefore, God in his infinite mercies says no to your choice and points out his choice to you which he does not force on you.

In that case, God is not just saying that sister A is not good for you but that the factors you are looking out for are worthless.

But how did they know their choice was not God's choice? When it is God's will there is this peace and calmness in your spirit but if not there is doubt and uncertainty, you just have the feeling that something is not right and that is exactly why you won't be at peace with yourself. 

Meanwhile, this even depends on if your relationship with the father (God) is cordial. If you have not be hearing God speak to you, how do you expect to hear him now regarding who to marry? 

And again the above listed factors might be present in the right person for you and that does not disqualify him or her, who ever said God wants you to marry a poor man or an ugly girl? 

These features are not God's determining factors, he simply wants you to marry the man or woman that will truly be a companion for you and help you fulfill purpose and complement you on every side! 

This is why your relationship with the father should be intact and you should know how he speaks to you if not you might end up with the wrong person because you are looking out for the wrong factors and because you do not know how to hear God, you miss out of his guidance for you! 

A beautiful Saturday morning to you, I hope you enjoy your weekend!

I felt I was complete until I met you, no one ever told me that something was lacking. I mean, they all love me and they keep flocking around me despite how mean I can be, how come they never told me or rather, they never saw anything wrong with me!

 I always thought I was the perfect man for every woman and they all said I am every woman's dream man! "You are cool, cute, gorgeous and endowed, every single feature a lady wants in her man is present in you" so, many told me times without number.

Others tagged me as loving and caring and considered anyone around me as fortunate for the fact I spend a lot and they all keep wishing they have something to do with me. Of a truth there is no restriction to what you can ask of me in as much as you have access to me. 

Like every other lady I expected you to adore me, I felt I was the best you could have but now I realize that you are the best I can ever have! You called me an oppressor and and told me that anyone with me lacks peace, these words have kept ringing in my head, hunting me and now I have come to realize that it is true though a bitter truth, nobody ever told me but you! 

Honestly, I get what I want when I want it but I never saw it as oppressing anyone rather, I felt I was entitled to anything in as much as I could afford it. I have always believed I deserve everything and that ladies are not deserving instead, anyone that has access to me should be thankful for the privilege! 

Yes, because I'm not cheap nor do I find it fun to hang out with ladies like anyone else with my status will do and even take advantage of them. Therefore, with me they felt they will be safe and secured but I had always seen them as distractions with nothing to offer! 

I actually had no respect for ladies and I did not know until I met you, I thought a woman is just suppose to take orders and ensure her man's needs are met. How come other ladies never earned or even demanded respect from me?

 It is obvious that everyone is in search of something but we all want different things, only very few are In search of something true, lasting and worthy! 

They all want a good looking man not one with a good heart, a wealthy man not a worthy man, something quick and sharp not lasting nor committing, flirts not lovers...even when they claim they need a godly, responsible and loving husband! 

Is it that they do not know what they want or how to get what they want? They are simply not worthy themselves neither are they true, for them everything flashy goes, no values nor morals but you are different! 

Your kind is rare to find, I never knew your type exist, with you I am humbled, lowly and conscious! Imagine me wondering if I am worthy of you, if you will ever accept me, if you will at least give me a chance to something real and true and I'm so sure with you it will be everlasting! 

Like an angel, encountering you is a miracle, you changed my whole perspective. Girl! Like medicine you cure me of so much defects, be the eyes with which I see, be the ears with which I hear, with you I'm certain of every other thing...

What else will one settle for in a relationship if not peace and value? Beware of yourself because you are a determinant! Be good if you want someone good, likes will always attract! I hope you enjoy your weekend good morning!

A beautiful Saturday morning to you out there, I hope your week was not so stressful and I guess you are enjoying the weekend! This morning I will like to talk on the above topic "there is nothing wrong with dating", in a conversation with a classmate some days back on the subject matter, I realized that the term or rather the concept of dating is misinterpreted! 

Maybe because of how the term has been misused and abused! Within the short break between two classes we got talking and he asked " what is your take on dating? And I responded "what do you mean by dating? And I'm going to start by asking you that same question this morning, what exactly do you mean or understand by the term 'dating'? 

Personally, I regard the words dating and courtship as the same terminologies which can be use interchangeably except otherwise. Although, I do not dispute the classes some persons have tried to categorize them into! First, I will like to highlight some misconceptions or rather how 'dating' has been wrongly labelled:

1. Dating is a relationship between two teenagers who simply fancy and admire each other with no sense of responsibility

2. Dating is merely a romantic relationship which gives room for fornication

3. Dating is a game for players and unreasonable lovers

4. Dating is unreasonable and distracting

5. Dating is a sin

These and many more are what so many persons call dating but dating is simply a term and as it stands, it is to you whatever you call it! Funny enough, I have asked people the meaning of courtship and they say it's the relationship between two persons who have agreed to marry and there is this maturity, purpose and sense of responsibility they accord to those courting even if some courtships are actually the same scam they expect from dating.

 So, I will simply call dating 'courtship before proposal' since the courtship you know is after proposal! Most guys take advantage of ladies in the name of dating and others as well do same in the name of courtship. Fornication is fornication, whether in dating or in courtship so tagging dating as an opportunity for fornication is actually a limited understanding of the word fornication! 

Whether teenagers or youths or adults, in as much as two persons are not married any sexual intercourse is fornication and mind you no relationship is a sin until it goes against God's word which is that marriage is honourable, the bed undefiled! Like courtship, dating is a relationship between two persons who are attracted to and interest in each other.

 Dating will not distract more than courtship or marriage will do, if you are not matured enough to handle emotional relationship you will be distracted in courtship likewise in dating. The two persons in relationship with no intention of getting married but just to catch fun are not dating neither are they in courtship since they have no interest in getting to know each other better! 

Relationship is an umbrella that encompasses both emotional and nonemotional associations, it is use interchangeably in emotional relationship that are purposeful as well as those that are simply for fun. Dating is a process like courtship and both are for the single aim of getting to know each other better just like courtship, except that in courtship there is already a promise of marriage unlike in dating!

 Of course you don't expect me to accept the proposal of a person I have not known a bit so, this is where dating comes in. That is why I call it courtship before proposal because the sole aim for courtship is to know each other better for the sake of marriage of which this process starts with dating!

Now, I know you are wandering how many times you have to date to find the right person, it may have sounded more like a trial by error method to you but I will simply say that if your attraction is value oriented then, you may not have to be moving from one person to another in search of the right person.

Whatever qualifications you are looking out for in a person you want to marry will guide you in choosing the person to date and as such streamline your options. Meanwhile, not all dates nor courtships even end up in marriage so whether you call it dating or courtship it remains a term and not a determinant in failed or successful relationships!

 Courtship or engagement to a great extent had certainty but presently it has also been taken for granted that the rate of failed courtships and broken engagements is increasing with every passing day.

 So, neither courtship nor dating is a guarantee for marriage but only terms that describe progression in romantic relationship! I would like to hear your view on this! Good morning once more and have a great weekend!

Amaka is engaged so is Sonia and Rachael is married still you have no man to call your own! You are no more comfortable in their midst and you even find it difficult to relate with them lately since they won't stop talking about husband, relationship and marriage but it does not insinuate in anyway that they are better than you nor prettier than you are! 

You admire and even jealous them wishing and praying that you find your heart desire! Sometimes you wonder "What exactly is wrong with me, why can't I get engaged, why can't I just get married, why can't I attract a reasonable man?..."

 Your issue is not just that no guy is coming to you but that you have not seen your Mr Right or probably the man you love is not serious with you, even at that do not despair! 

There is a actually nothing so special about your friends and their partners nor about them being married or in relationships but that they have found someone of their choice whom they are comfortable and happy with and nothing more! 

Rushing into marriage or accepting a ring just to be among the number can be dangerous, what about your happiness and satisfaction in your supposed home? You admire Amaka because she is happy and satisfied with her man and not just because she is called a Mrs nor because she is about to be called so! 

Come to think of it, you may not even appreciate nor accept any of their partners if they had approached you for marriage because you are not them, you have a taste of your own. I just want to encourage you this morning to be calm.

You too will find your choice and will as well be happy but you must understand that patience and focus are key factors! There is no need jumping about or killing yourself over nothing, if you are the right person for the right person you seek then, he will surely find you! 

Meanwhile, idleness is the only reason why you are getting yourself worked up over being single, get busy. You don't have to put every other thing on hold in search of a partner, marriage is not an end but a means to an end and every reasonable man out there is looking for a woman who is busy!

 Be useful to yourself and those around you, let your impact be felt and don't be carried away not even by your search for a man or love. Why wander off when he is sure coming to seek you in the right place?

The right place is your true disposition, just be yourself and let the man who loves you find you! A shout out to all the amazing ladies out there, do have a fun filled weekend!

It's always rosy and endearing at the beginning with almost little or no friction nor resistance, everything is cool and perfect. So smooth and easy but It is not always going to be like this! Necessity will be laid on you to step up and handle responsibilities, more patience and understanding will be required of you!

Especially when you get married to a partner full of dreams and ambition, you should be ready to double up! You should realize that at the time people get married they most times have little or no achievements compared to their dreams and ambition. So getting married is not a kind of arrival neither does marriage launch one into a stable and a fulfilled life! 

Rather, It is almost at the beginning of a person's pursuit in life. And your partner will of course expect you to be supportive in building and living the life you both desire! In fact, a lot awaits you, so many surprises, challenges and to think of it, it's a scope that will require that you adjust and adjust again and again so as to accommodate all you need to accommodate. 

I'm not trying to make it look scary but I just want to remind you that a lot will be required and that you do not expect things to always be the way they are now! Times will come where you will get no attention nor care instead, you will need to give some care and attention. 

Soon, not just your partner but your kids as well will look up to you and expect you to provide a solution, to step in and make things better and amazing. You will have to sacrifice a lot to ensure the home is in order and everyone is happy. Your partner will not just be the object of your affection but your entire home if not you may not have a good home. 

Your partner will take up new responsibilities and even switch careers, try out new stuffs and all these will sure have effect on you! Sometimes, on your emotions and other times on your decisions and even your reality and your expectations as well. 

But then, you must keep your home, you will have to adjust, the good thing is that if you build a formidable relationship then, none of these changes will take you unaware because you would have talked things over with your partner on every issue in line with a common goal! 

That is why as a couple beyond satisfying each other's need, you both must have a focus or a goal that will serve as a compass and this will help you two in taking hold of opportunities and as well taking decisions that will be favourable to the both of you!

 Your partner is growing, he or she will not remain that girl or boy you meant some years back, like his or her physical features are changing so will the emotional, spiritual, psychology etc change.

There will be times you will have to fight for your love, partner, relationship, home and other times all you will simply need is to believe in your partner and accept him or her especially when you can't help it. At such times "love" will seem burdensome and difficult that you will be tempted to jump out to somewhere else. 

As your partner is growing, your home too will grow and you too will have to grow and ensure your relationship is functional and your home is peaceful. Everything is possible, you only need to grow and make necessary adjustments when you should! Happy weekend!

A very pleasant morning to you and welcome to yet another weekend broadcast, I guess you have been following this series for this month "myths of relationship" as we will be rounding it off today and I do hope you enjoyed every bit of it.

 If you are just joining us, I'm sure you would like to see the previous myths we talked about, you can access them by clicking on the category "love/relationship". We will be concluding the series today with the myth "Love is unconditional!"

Not as though we have exhausted the myths of relationship but let's pause for now so we can explore some other aspects of relationship. Meanwhile, if you have a myth you will like us to talk about or a question concerning the whole series please do well to drop it in the comment box thank you.

First and foremost, the word "unconditional" means without qualifications! So if you say love is unconditional you are simply saying I should love without conditions and requirements that is one ought to love a person without expecting him/her to satisfy any prerequisite.

But is that really the case? Do we really love people without a cause? What about the popular TDH (Tall, Dark and Handsome), figure eight, rich etc? Even the trending "purpose driven man" and the "working class lady"? What do we call all these?

The truth is that we misunderstand the word "love", it is more encompassing than we actually know. Do you realize that we use it when we describe the relationship between a couple, friends, family, Christians etc. And we have erroneously limited its definition to just mean agape which is unconditional love.

The word "love" does not have the same exact meaning when used in other scenarios as mentioned above. We will therefore, classify love into basic types based on these different scenarios with the help of English and Greek vocabularies.

1. Agape: (charity) which is the love almost everyone has an idea of, the love of God for man and the love God expects us to have for one another and for him too. It is expressed as kindness, benevolence, generosity and understanding for others whether family or church members or distant strangers, Christians or non Christians. It is the love we are expected to show to ALL mankind. 

2. Storge: this implies tenderness, fondness, attachment, kindness, affection especially of parents for their children. Of course every child good or bad, stubborn or obedient has a special place in the heart of his or her parents. That is why a father or mother is willing to go at any length to see that his or her child is well, comfortable and joyful!

3. Philia: (friendship) this is the kind of love between two or more persons predisposed to each other. That is persons under the influence of one another due to likeness for each other.

They find themselves supportive, fun to be with, they enjoy the time spent together and will always favour one another over other persons. It is about showing loyalty to friends, sacrificing for them, as well as sharing with them.

4. Philautia: it means "self love" which can be healthy or unhealthy. Loving the person you are is a crucial factor that determines how pleasant and fulfilling your life will be and how interesting your relationship with others will be.

People who do not love themselves keep looking for someone to affirm and compliment them, they lack confidence almost in everything they do and never see anything good about themselves.

 Mind you, the more you love and appreciate yourself, the more others will love and appreciate you. Meanwhile, it can be unhealthy when you are too self conscious and seek self glorification in all things, seeing yourself as better than every other person.

5. Eros: indicates sexual passion and desire, intimate love. It's unfortunate most persons define eros as unconditional since it is also called love. Agape which is the basis and the foundational love is the only kind of love that is absolute, unconditional and without qualifications.

Unlike Agape love, Eros is a conditional love and not until you understand this you may continue to wallow in ignorance and folly without sound and honest decisions, we will come back to this.

6. Pragma: is a model of love as demonstrated by a couple for a lifetime in marriage.

Pragma is about making effort to help the relationship work over time, and showing patience and tolerance for each other.

Erich Fromm once said that we spend too much energy on “falling in love” that we need to learn more how to “stand in love.” So we can say Pragma is simply standing in love, making effort to ensure our relationship with our spouse continues to blossom by loving and not only expecting to be loved!

The love between lovers "Eros" is what we are talking about and our major point is that this kind of love is conditional! You don't just fall in love with anybody, there is first an attraction or a crush and then there is a choice and a decision. Both phases whether a crush or a choice, are determined by conditions.

 "I fell in love with her the very first day I heard her sing" her voice was the attraction, it  could be her shape, intellect, skills etc. There is always a requirement meant either consciously or unconsciously even more with the phase of choice and decision, "I really don't care if he has a car but he must be peaceful, caring and romantic..."

 In trying to be thoughtful, some persons say love (Eros) is unconditional, if actually it is true then, you can date or marry just anybody, you won't have to choose but it is never like that! No wonder the bible says "Whoso findeth a wife..." If there are no conditions then, there will be no finding!

The emphasis therefore, should be on the kind of conditions one demands. I'm not going to give you a list of supposed perfect conditions because you are not me and I am not you and our conditions simply express our personalities and values. Trying to get a right set of conditions will be determined on what you call right or wrong.

Meanwhile, if you are not clear with what you want in a man or woman it simply means you are not very clear with who you are and what you stand for! If I say "I love you just the way you are" I simply mean I like your person and it has nothing to do with love being unconditional as many people think.

There is no "unconditional love but agape! However, I would like to say as a lady your conditions should not just be material things and physical looks and as a man you should not just look out for shape and beauty.

Note, a man or woman who lacks values like consistency, patience, focus, determination, commitment, empathy, honesty, kindness and the likes will find it difficult to build a lasting relationship or home!

On a final note, you should remember that likes attract, so be that man or woman you expect your spouse to be! I hope you find this helpful, do have a great weekend!

Further reading on the types of love

 "There is no such thing as freedom on earth," he said. "Only different kinds of bondages. And comparative bondages. YOU think you are free now because you've escaped from a peculiarly unbreakable kind of bondage. But are you? You love me - THAT'S a bondage.

L.M. Montgomery

This is another misconception about relationship! It's a myth to single out relationship as a bondage when man is never really free as he thinks. Sincerely speaking, even as a single you are not free! That which you think you have control over, has in a way enslaved you without you even knowing! 

What you call freedom is bondage in disguise, if not, how come you are so scared of loosing it? You are limited and constrained when it comes to relationship, you obviously do not act freely! Why? Because you are in bondage! 

Due to a preconceived idea or an experience that have conditioned your mind and as such put you in bondage with or without a partner. Your reaction to any thing relationship is simply a reflex, based on that experience or preconception! 

Phobia for relationship is bondage and a pointer to deeper issues like unforgiveness and hatred, fear and uncertainty, ignorance and irresponsibility etc! Most persons who emphasize that relationship is a bondage are victims of abusive relationships in the past, they were maltreated and they are hurting!

 "Not in this life, I won't allow any man enslave me again! As a matter of fact, i'm done with anything relationship!" She was in an abusive relationship and she sworn never to be under any man again! What you call bondage is only the result of bondage, true bondage is a thing of the mind!

 For the fact you have no chains and fetters on you does not mean you are free meanwhile,  chains and fetters all over you does not make you a prisoner either! The man who is limited is limited in his mind and not by the chains on his hands! 

So many persons have been enslaved by a wrong idea and as such they are limited in such areas! The bondage in a relationship is nothing but commitment! Of which even as an individual you must be committed to every course that must succeed. 

So, why do you expect relationship or marriage to be any different? "I can't understand why he wants to know my where about at every point in time and why I have to take permission before I do anything. I just want my freedom that's all, I guess it's not too much to ask..." 

If this is what you call bondage then, it simply means you really have no idea what it means to be in a relationship. He is not monitoring you as you think, most persons get this wrong. Relationship is not something occasional, that moment when you two hold hands and walk into the mall, cinema, eatery etc.

 No, it goes beyond that it involves your every moment! It ought not to be about your feelings and your moods "I'm not in the mood for him right now, I don't just feel like..." You may not feel like hanging out but that's not an excuse to keep him hanging, distant, separated, worried etc. 

No matter what mood you are in and how ever you feel,  acknowledging the fact that he or she is a part of you that should not change irrespective of every changing emotion, makes a whole lot of difference. Because you judge your relationship base on your mood, when you are not in the right frame of mind, relationship seem as bondage to you!

 But in the actual sense and in a proper relationship, your spouse is suppose to stand by you and with you no matter your mood and not something or someone you should avoid or do away with when you are not excited! 

Personally, there's no time I talk with my boo over the phone without asking him "Where are you? What are you doing?" Not because I'm trying to monitor him but it gives me a sense of closeness and togetherness that even when he is far it seems as though he is near.

 On the other hand, it is not as if you have to ask for his or her permission to do anything rather, it is simply sharing with your partner your present as well as your future plans, carrying him or her along. Of course you two make a team and ideally, no member of the team should be left behind. 

But if you see him or her as a rival, competitor, threat, not trust worthy, you will find it difficult to carry him or her along! Your partner ought not to be any of these to you, a partner is meant to be a succor, helper, etc. 

If you stop being biased and sentimental, you will realize that love is a beautiful thing and it's a blessing to have someone to share with, I do hope you realize this soon! If you still insist on relationship being a bondage then, I personally do not pray for freedom! (winks)

Enjoy your weekend!

GoodMorningFromIseme

This is a very common saying, almost every lady thinks all men are the same and most men think all ladies are the same but I dare to say all men are not the same neither are all ladies the same rather, you are the same! I'm not trying to say you are a bad person, what I mean is that if you were taken advantaged of in your first and second relationship, it is because you are the same person who failed to learn lessons or make effort to correct some things. 

You may actually be a good person but lack something which the guys you've encountered have capitalized on even when they do not intend to take advantage of you, it just turns out they do! Most times, it is not their fault, it is just the way you are. I don't mean to hurt you and you should not be upset! 

As I write now, I do not know you or if you are experiencing this but if you are, the best thing you will do now, is to be honest with yourself and be open to what I have to say. I'm not trying to blame you rather, I'm trying to help you. Let me tell you about Omoye, she is a 27years old lady who has been in two serious relationships at two different times. 

Both ought to have ended up in marriage but they never survived courtship and of course it is not a  must that every relationship must lead to marriage but then, Omoye has been heart broken twice, so she won't have anything to do with any guy again in the name of love. In fact she says "...just don't tell me about love, all men are the same, it's better to stay single..." 

Especially, being the good and caring girl she is, she keeps wondering why guys take her for granted. She is really a nice person who never says no to anything, she allows you have your way in everything even when it hurts her. She said to me "...despite all my sacrifice" Omoye puts so much effort into her relationships even when she is irritated she never says a word.

Rather, she goes on sacrificing grudgingly all because she does not want to loose him, she eventually lost both of them. You don't build a relationship on fear, the bible says "There is no fear in love; but perfect love casteth out fear". Why are you afraid? Why do you think you will loose him? Hmmmmmm! From my conversation with some victims, I discovered that they think they are not so beautiful, smart and gorgeous as a result, they lack confidence and have a low self esteem. 

Unfortunately for them, the way you treat yourself is the way people will treat you including the man in your life. At the beginning, Omoye never complained about anything but pretended she was OK with everything because she was trying to protect her relationship but over time she began to nag over everything out of frustration. 

She complains when there is a lady around her man, she gets too suspicious even when the guy affirms his love for her over and over again! Because she has a low self-esteem, she lacks confidence in herself, her partner and her relationship therefore, her niceness and effort to protect her relationship made no difference! 

Of course nagging will make any person wear out too soon! If you feel good about yourself, you will be confident in yourself, your partner and your relationship! This may not be your story exactly but if you are of the opinion that all men are the same or all ladies are the same and have been heart broken severally, before blaming your failed relationship on the opposite sex, be sure you are not the issue! 

Being a dependent spouse or a burden carrier is also frustrating, your temperament is something you should also look out for and many more! I can assure you of a different and blissful relationship/marriage if you can look within, be honest and work on yourself! 

Happy weekend!
GoodMorningFromIseme

Hi! Good morning and happy new month once again! I will be starting a series today on "myths of relationship", I'm hopeful that between now and the end of this month, as we treat each myth, you will see reasons to abandon those misconceptions about relationship! Here we go:

#1. Relationship is a burden and a distraction!

I know you are already thinking fast "what is she trying to say?" And you are simply anxious to confirm your thoughts from the next line before swiping to something else because you do not see this as a myth! Right? Do not be in a haste yet, hear me out! 

I'm aware how time consuming and attention demanding a relationship can be! Yes, I know and I also know that it can be disturbing and frustrating at times and this scares you a lot that you just want fun and nothing serious! I have heard guys most especially say "Relationship? Hell no! Not any time soon, I just can't handle that distraction now" 

Do you realize that sharing someone's burden is different from carrying someone's burden? Maybe you should ponder on that a little! Relationship is not meant to make you a carrier of burdens, this is exactly where most persons miss it and they land themselves in frustration trying to be two persons, living and acting for themselves as well as their spouses. 

Your spouse should not be a liability, he or she should not be redundant. Assistance does not render anyone redundant rather, taking over a person's responsibility makes them redundant. By assuming her responsibilities you are biting more than you can chew, you already have enough weight on you as an individual, adding another person's own complicates issues!

 A proper relationship does not make any party dependent on the other instead, it help's both partners to work together with each person contributing his or her own quota! It is a wrong ideology especially as a man to see yourself doing everything and taking  responsibility for everything! Someone was lamenting "...I will have to cultivate her and teach her! That's a whole ministry all together!"

 So, he is scared of the whole process that is involve in teaching and teaching and I'm wondering how he intends to cultivate a grown up adult! This is not what relationship is about, first of all, trying to cultivate an adult is monopoly and dominance! You are not suppose to manipulate anyone to suit yourself in the name of love and relationship, what about the person's own right and privileges?

 One basic rule of relationship is the law of attraction and it says that "likes attract" having a partner with similar or same values means you won't have to teach and cultivate her from the scratch, since you two must learn to accommodate and adjust to certain things for love to flourish! Values are foundation upon which every attitude is built!

 Ayn Rand says "Love is a response to value" that is why you must be very conscious of what the attraction is, opposing values will sure make one party dependent on the other. She needs you to talk her out of it, bear with her, do it for her and she's not going to make effort without you. 

As dangerous as this is, at the beginning, the independent party feels secured and excited but soon his strength begins to fail him and frustration sets in! As an individual, no matter how much you love a person, you do not have enough resources to carry the burden of two people! Nothing sucks like a dependent spouse! 

Even the bible says "Iron sharpeneth iron; so a man sharpeneth the countenance of his friend." You ought to stay together and as well fight together! Fighting for the both of you without her effort is fighting alone, a battle you cannot win! Like I will always say "relationship is mutual" do not forget!

 I hope you are or will be a pillar and not a weight on your spouse! I will show you another myth next weekend, till then stay supportive! 

Happy weekend!

It's unfortunate many persons go into relationship and even marriage without an idea of why they want it or go into it! We are all created with a yearning and a need to be closely acquitted with someone we call special, we take such a person private or personal rather! We were created that way and this is one basis for marital relationship but people are crowded with so many ideologies and misconceptions about relationship and marriage. 

Therefore, no matter how hard both parties try to make things work out between them, they end up not satisfied with each other because of lack of intimacy and so many unmarried partners misconstrue sex as intimacy! Despite being sexually active yet, they seek satisfaction to no avail and as such they end up frustrated and unhappy!

 In every relationship, so many desires are silent and hidden but with intimacy they become apparent and are taken care of! The relationship we so much fantasize which is seen as "ideal" is not an illusion as so many persons say, intimacy brings your relationship fantasies into a reality! I think I should share this with you!

  To The Man I Love 

Honestly, baby you are a blessing to me! The way you love me amazes me and I keep wondering how you do it! I doubt if anyone else will love me the way you do. To so many people, love is nothing but a delusion but you have made my fantasies come through! Your definition of love is the reality I have enjoyed beyond measure. 

What we share transcends every speculation and theory I know, you've taught me what love is and I can boldly say 'love is beautiful and exceptional!' Thank you for always believing in me, sharing with me, tolerating me, teaching me and allowing me do same for you! The thought of us overwhelms me, I could not have asked for more!

 You are everything I ever prayed and hoped for even when I felt my wishes were unreal, I found them real in you and with you! Loving you is the life I want to leave till death! I love you always! 

From your Valued! kisses!

Beautiful right? Though, some will say it's simply fantasy or fiction but it's not! You too can experience such love!

As I earlier said, we all have an innate need for intimacy and as such we wish for so much when it comes to relationship but most persons seem not to find the right person and relationship remains a puzzle to them! Not because there is no one out there good enough for you nor does it imply weakness on the part of your partner neither does it imply your wishes are unreal. 

Rather, it implies an emptiness due to lack of intimacy which both parties know nothing about either as a result of ignorance or negligence. Intimacy is an atmosphere of closeness and openness towards someone else, not necessarily involving sexuality! It creates an atmosphere for you to know your partner and his needs more and more and he/she gets to know you better as well, it is built and ought to grow!

 In a relationship where there is intimacy, little things take care of themselves spontaneously. The light of many relationships founded on emotional fickle soon burns out leaving both parties wounded and depressed because they wrongly describe intimacy as sex! 

While sex is part of intimacy for the married, the unmarried can as well and should build intimacy on the foundation of trust, purity, patience and care! I do hope you will start building intimacy with your spouse from today! Do not hesitate to drop your questions and opinions! Enjoy the weekend!