When Love Turns Into Hatred! Every Relationship Evolves...

At the beginning it was so perfect and flawless, it was like heaven on earth! He was overwhelmed with everything in you that makes you attractive and so you were too, as if he was impressed in your heart, you could not just imagine life without him. All you wanted was the happiness, smiles and laughter of each other, you two were willing to go at any length to make each other happy and every moment with each other remarkable. But with time, things changed drastically, it became a different ball game entirely. 

He doesn't seem to understand you anymore, you became too lousy all of a sudden. He obviously does not even see anything good in you anymore! Presently, you have no choice but to complain and nag but nothing seems to be getting better. With the passing of each day, love turns into hatred and the distance between you two is increasing everyday. What happened? Maybe you guys are not meant to be or you were not even compatible in the first place or does it mean you two were never really in love? 

Hmmmmmm! It's simply the dawn of reality that comes with the process of evolution! It is not peculiar to your relationship, it happens in all relationships, as you two get closer and closer, your relationship keeps evolving from one phase to another and with each phase comes a higher level of reality and commitment. So many changes occur, you get to know your partner more and more, so many things surface especially the ones you did not bargain for, ugly and irritating that a love lacking commitment begins to fail. 

Perception and perspective becomes a big issue, he expects you to think like him and you expect him to understand like you, most times it is not very easy to come to a point of consensus. As such, you hear things like "she is just too shallow in her thinking, I can't even imagine how she thinks, he won't listen to me, he won't even hear me out, he is self-centered..." The reality is that no two persons think nor comprehend the same way. If you two fail to understand each other and carry each other along you will obviously not come to agreement. 

As you progress, your individual attitude becomes so glaring and you will definitely be irritated especially by the little little things. Maybe the way he walks into the kitchen, uses the toilet and bathroom, snores while sleeping, she leaves the kitchen unkept, reckless in spending and many more. The reality is that this attitude has been a part of him or her maybe learnt or inborn but then, it's obviously not easy to do away with what has been a part of him or her for the past 20+ or even 30+ years of his or her life. 

That simply means you two must be mature, loving, supportive and patiently help each other do away with such negative habits and learn to tolerate each other in the process. It is never a quick nor an easy fix! Family and sometimes friends is another point of disagreement in relationships, our families are extension of us and no matter who we love and how much we love them there is a cord between us and our families that sometimes seem as a hindrance to our relationship which actually is not. 

They may get in our way by adding to our responsibility, intruding our privacies, some parents even go as far as dictating how things should be in their children's relationships or marriages. But whatever the case maybe, you two must be sincerely considerate, wise, supportive, patient and united. Let not your family come between you and your partner and let not your relationship or marriage create a gap in your family therefore, you two must work together as a team to maintain peace, love and unity. This too is not easy to achieve. 

Finances is another major aspect in relationships which if not well handled, it results in crisis and catastrophe. The partner with the lesser income may be the one who spends recklessly, whatever the case maybe, you must be willing to work it out with your partner if your relationship must be smooth and interesting. If you have a higher source of income, do not intimidate your partner, forcing him or her to look for more income like you will soon make him or her miserable, you don't expect your partner to be just like you. 

And if you are good with managing resources, don't expect him or her to find it easy therefore, you must work with your partner towards a financial goal and ensure you two follow your plans to achieve that goal. These are only highlighted key areas that often cause problems in most relationships and marriages. The bottom line is this, do not expect your partner to like everything you like or do things the way you do them, always remember you both are different individuals from different backgrounds with different experiences and personalities as well. 

So, do not strive to have your way in every issue or win as we commonly say rather, strive for the two of you to understand each other and come to an agreement. If the two of you must be one then you must be able to carry each other along, come down to the level of the other person in the area where he or she is slow! Getting ahead of him or her is simply creating distance between the two of you! 

You are not competitors but partners, when he wins you win and when she looses you loose, the issue is not whose idea it is but if the idea answers the question or solves the problem. You can only be uniform in your outfits not in character and attitude because each individual is unique, trying to change his personality is depriving him of his true self! You cannot be uniform but you can be united! This is it on Love/Relationship this weekend, I hope you find this useful in your relationship! Happy weekend!

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