A very pleasant morning to you and welcome to yet another weekend broadcast, I guess you have been following this series for this month "myths of relationship" as we will be rounding it off today and I do hope you enjoyed every bit of it.
If you are just joining us, I'm sure you would like to see the previous myths we talked about, you can access them by clicking on the category "love/relationship". We will be concluding the series today with the myth "Love is unconditional!"
Not as though we have exhausted the myths of relationship but let's pause for now so we can explore some other aspects of relationship. Meanwhile, if you have a myth you will like us to talk about or a question concerning the whole series please do well to drop it in the comment box thank you.
If you are just joining us, I'm sure you would like to see the previous myths we talked about, you can access them by clicking on the category "love/relationship". We will be concluding the series today with the myth "Love is unconditional!"
Not as though we have exhausted the myths of relationship but let's pause for now so we can explore some other aspects of relationship. Meanwhile, if you have a myth you will like us to talk about or a question concerning the whole series please do well to drop it in the comment box thank you.
First and foremost, the word "unconditional" means without qualifications! So if you say love is unconditional you are simply saying I should love without conditions and requirements that is one ought to love a person without expecting him/her to satisfy any prerequisite.
But is that really the case? Do we really love people without a cause? What about the popular TDH (Tall, Dark and Handsome), figure eight, rich etc? Even the trending "purpose driven man" and the "working class lady"? What do we call all these?
The truth is that we misunderstand the word "love", it is more encompassing than we actually know. Do you realize that we use it when we describe the relationship between a couple, friends, family, Christians etc. And we have erroneously limited its definition to just mean agape which is unconditional love.
The word "love" does not have the same exact meaning when used in other scenarios as mentioned above. We will therefore, classify love into basic types based on these different scenarios with the help of English and Greek vocabularies.
But is that really the case? Do we really love people without a cause? What about the popular TDH (Tall, Dark and Handsome), figure eight, rich etc? Even the trending "purpose driven man" and the "working class lady"? What do we call all these?
The truth is that we misunderstand the word "love", it is more encompassing than we actually know. Do you realize that we use it when we describe the relationship between a couple, friends, family, Christians etc. And we have erroneously limited its definition to just mean agape which is unconditional love.
The word "love" does not have the same exact meaning when used in other scenarios as mentioned above. We will therefore, classify love into basic types based on these different scenarios with the help of English and Greek vocabularies.
1. Agape: (charity) which is the love almost everyone has an idea of, the love of God for man and the love God expects us to have for one another and for him too. It is expressed as kindness, benevolence, generosity and understanding for others whether family or church members or distant strangers, Christians or non Christians. It is the love we are expected to show to ALL mankind.
2. Storge: this implies tenderness, fondness, attachment, kindness, affection especially of parents for their children. Of course every child good or bad, stubborn or obedient has a special place in the heart of his or her parents. That is why a father or mother is willing to go at any length to see that his or her child is well, comfortable and joyful!
3. Philia: (friendship) this is the kind of love between two or more persons predisposed to each other. That is persons under the influence of one another due to likeness for each other.
They find themselves supportive, fun to be with, they enjoy the time spent together and will always favour one another over other persons. It is about showing loyalty to friends, sacrificing for them, as well as sharing with them.
They find themselves supportive, fun to be with, they enjoy the time spent together and will always favour one another over other persons. It is about showing loyalty to friends, sacrificing for them, as well as sharing with them.
4. Philautia: it means "self love" which can be healthy or unhealthy. Loving the person you are is a crucial factor that determines how pleasant and fulfilling your life will be and how interesting your relationship with others will be.
People who do not love themselves keep looking for someone to affirm and compliment them, they lack confidence almost in everything they do and never see anything good about themselves.
Mind you, the more you love and appreciate yourself, the more others will love and appreciate you. Meanwhile, it can be unhealthy when you are too self conscious and seek self glorification in all things, seeing yourself as better than every other person.
People who do not love themselves keep looking for someone to affirm and compliment them, they lack confidence almost in everything they do and never see anything good about themselves.
Mind you, the more you love and appreciate yourself, the more others will love and appreciate you. Meanwhile, it can be unhealthy when you are too self conscious and seek self glorification in all things, seeing yourself as better than every other person.
5. Eros: indicates sexual passion and desire, intimate love. It's unfortunate most persons define eros as unconditional since it is also called love. Agape which is the basis and the foundational love is the only kind of love that is absolute, unconditional and without qualifications.
Unlike Agape love, Eros is a conditional love and not until you understand this you may continue to wallow in ignorance and folly without sound and honest decisions, we will come back to this.
Unlike Agape love, Eros is a conditional love and not until you understand this you may continue to wallow in ignorance and folly without sound and honest decisions, we will come back to this.
6. Pragma: is a model of love as demonstrated by a couple for a lifetime in marriage.
Pragma is about making effort to help the relationship work over time, and showing patience and tolerance for each other.
Erich Fromm once said that we spend too much energy on “falling in love” that we need to learn more how to “stand in love.” So we can say Pragma is simply standing in love, making effort to ensure our relationship with our spouse continues to blossom by loving and not only expecting to be loved!
Erich Fromm once said that we spend too much energy on “falling in love” that we need to learn more how to “stand in love.” So we can say Pragma is simply standing in love, making effort to ensure our relationship with our spouse continues to blossom by loving and not only expecting to be loved!
The love between lovers "Eros" is what we are talking about and our major point is that this kind of love is conditional! You don't just fall in love with anybody, there is first an attraction or a crush and then there is a choice and a decision. Both phases whether a crush or a choice, are determined by conditions.
"I fell in love with her the very first day I heard her sing" her voice was the attraction, it could be her shape, intellect, skills etc. There is always a requirement meant either consciously or unconsciously even more with the phase of choice and decision, "I really don't care if he has a car but he must be peaceful, caring and romantic..."
In trying to be thoughtful, some persons say love (Eros) is unconditional, if actually it is true then, you can date or marry just anybody, you won't have to choose but it is never like that! No wonder the bible says "Whoso findeth a wife..." If there are no conditions then, there will be no finding!
The emphasis therefore, should be on the kind of conditions one demands. I'm not going to give you a list of supposed perfect conditions because you are not me and I am not you and our conditions simply express our personalities and values. Trying to get a right set of conditions will be determined on what you call right or wrong.
Meanwhile, if you are not clear with what you want in a man or woman it simply means you are not very clear with who you are and what you stand for! If I say "I love you just the way you are" I simply mean I like your person and it has nothing to do with love being unconditional as many people think.
There is no "unconditional love but agape! However, I would like to say as a lady your conditions should not just be material things and physical looks and as a man you should not just look out for shape and beauty.
Note, a man or woman who lacks values like consistency, patience, focus, determination, commitment, empathy, honesty, kindness and the likes will find it difficult to build a lasting relationship or home!
On a final note, you should remember that likes attract, so be that man or woman you expect your spouse to be! I hope you find this helpful, do have a great weekend!
"I fell in love with her the very first day I heard her sing" her voice was the attraction, it could be her shape, intellect, skills etc. There is always a requirement meant either consciously or unconsciously even more with the phase of choice and decision, "I really don't care if he has a car but he must be peaceful, caring and romantic..."
In trying to be thoughtful, some persons say love (Eros) is unconditional, if actually it is true then, you can date or marry just anybody, you won't have to choose but it is never like that! No wonder the bible says "Whoso findeth a wife..." If there are no conditions then, there will be no finding!
The emphasis therefore, should be on the kind of conditions one demands. I'm not going to give you a list of supposed perfect conditions because you are not me and I am not you and our conditions simply express our personalities and values. Trying to get a right set of conditions will be determined on what you call right or wrong.
Meanwhile, if you are not clear with what you want in a man or woman it simply means you are not very clear with who you are and what you stand for! If I say "I love you just the way you are" I simply mean I like your person and it has nothing to do with love being unconditional as many people think.
There is no "unconditional love but agape! However, I would like to say as a lady your conditions should not just be material things and physical looks and as a man you should not just look out for shape and beauty.
Note, a man or woman who lacks values like consistency, patience, focus, determination, commitment, empathy, honesty, kindness and the likes will find it difficult to build a lasting relationship or home!
On a final note, you should remember that likes attract, so be that man or woman you expect your spouse to be! I hope you find this helpful, do have a great weekend!
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